The History Of The World Pt - 2

I told you not to hold your breath ...........

Still it only been just over a year and about for ever from my last up date

What can I say ................ I'm a lazy fuck, so sue me

So as promised hears the .................


The History Of The World Pt - 2


The Stoned Age
History is very hazy and unclear as to there is a lot of short term memory loss and all that's known is that a lot Pringles and Mars bars were eaten afterwards


The Romans
The next thing to happen was the Romans. They were a completely pathetic bunch of tossers who used to sit around in baths eating grapes, inventing central heating and straight roads. The only good thing they ever managed to do was to invent gladiators and chariot racing. But because they were so weedy the Romans had to get other people to do all the fighting for them and collect the best maniacs from all over the world like the Gauls, Visigoths, Vandals, Huns, Thugs, Picts, Celts and Rangers and people like Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan and Hulk Hogan but once they were brought to Rome they saw how utterly girly and wet the Romans were and smashed up the Coliseum and the Parthenon


The Vikings
Now the Vikings were the hardest and funniest people ever. Inventing black metal, raping, pillaging and drink larger. The Vikings drank a lot of larger and when pissed made up all sorts of things like horns on your hat and being horny, even days of the week were there idea, apart from Sunday which was made up by a load of do good bloody Christians who wanted to free publicity for Sunday schools. But after a few years they all pissed off back to Denmark in Germania land to make lots of good films about naked lesbian nuns and overly hairy housewives with bad perms and make-up that was put on by a trowel and we were left with only stupid wars over things like roses and ended up with a ginger haired King


The Industrial Revolution
Now when history teachers tell you this was a really boring period, they're lying. It was amazing and very important, anyone who says other wise needs a kick in the slabs. Because that was when all the good stuff was invented like trains, surgery, guns, tanks, synthesizers, hard and soft drugs, and DJ'ing with dance music and it all went hand in hand with the destruction of boring areas of natural landscape and woodland. Now the Greens and the save the hedgehog types who always try and stop the humane gassing of millions of little creatures to make way for nice clean 6 lane motorways and lovely dangerous chemical plants that it was a bad time but as we all know they are talking crap
And so this leads us to the modern age and the 3 best things ever
1) Thoughts tiny little plastic tables with 3 legs that you find in pizza boxes which are always handy if you have small mice round of tea
2) Blogging
3) Everything else

So if like me you like to get totally mashed while watching your favourite film on pirate DVD while driving down the motorway at 100 mph and listening to the radio on your i-pod headset at the same time as you phone your multimedia adviser on your G3 Blue Tooth W.A.P hands free phone and simultaneously surf the net for porn on your laptop while having neurosurgery performed on you by robots then this truly is our golden age ............... Enjoy it while it lasts