Your Stars For This Month

This is or was an idea I had in which I was going to write one a month and have a year of stars but alas I'm lazy and only made two and a half of them still have a read it's better than working

Bloggers has teamed up with a leading newspaper and acquired the services of a top bullshit artist and astronomer Septic Peg to bring you your Horror Scope (formally know as The Spastics Society)


Aries
It's a month of turmoil and change for you, you'll probably lose your job or get mugged and stabbed or something but don't let it get you down as next month it will be worse

Taurus
Your spouse has been cheating be-hind your back, with your best friend most probably (the bastard). Kill him and confront her with your suspicions, and don't let the two faced lying cow worm her way out of it with a pack of lies

Gemini
You will meet a tall dark stranger who will nick you for those dodge DVD's that you got from that weird looking bloke in the pub a few months back

Cancer
You will be feeling suicidal and depressed this month. The best thing to do is stay in-doors and not irritate your so called friends with your hopeless problems and miserable face

Leo
A workmate is planning to steel job from you. Wait for them after work .......... remember violence is the only language they understand

Virgo
Everyone hates you and are talking be-hind your back and they are all plotting against you. Try to keep you chin up and don't get to paranoid

Libra
Its time to take stock of your love life and that could end in a painful experience with a loved one. So stick to the right hole for now and forget the butt-plug for a while

Scorpio
Your life is a hopelessly void. But things are looking up at the end of the month when you get arrested

Sagittarius
Your love life won't be improving much this month. Have you thought of plastic surgery or paying for it

Capricorn
Their is a member of your family that despises you and now it's time to let them know that the feeling is mutual. Don't forget to go round there tooled up

Aquarius
It's time to take the bull by the horns and make that animal fetish video you have always dreamed of

Pisces
This is your lucky month for you as the boil on your genitals goes septic and that wins you a prize on the local radio


If today is your birthday
Happy birthday !! Stop reading this and go and get pissed